Travelin' by Faith - Which Way To Jesus?

Travelin’ by Faith

We had a job delivering into Montreal, Canada and we knew as soon as we dropped the freight we were heading to our next pickup which was in Saint Laurent, Quebec.  There are two Saint Laurent’s in Quebec.  One is a suburb of Montreal and one is a suburb of Quebec City.  We were told the miles to our pickup were 175 which would indicate it was the one closest to Quebec City.  We asked dispatch if they were sure the pickup was the “Saint Laurent” closest to Quebec City.  They assured us it was.  When I entered the pickup address in our GPS it didn’t find the address so we had to follow the routing information sent to us from our dispatchers.  I started driving and noticed we had not been given local directions.  We were only given the directions that would get us to the city itself but not the company.  I sent a message asking for local directions.  When we received them I noticed the street name we were given originally for the address was a little different than what showed on the local directions.  I entered that street name in with the city name AND zip code and GPS directions showed the pickup was the “Saint Laurent” near Montreal, not Quebec City.  I still kept driving towards Quebec City.  I kept trying to convince myself that we were heading in the right direction.  I couldn’t do it I couldn’t convince myself.  After driving 114 miles I stopped (yes, it took me this long to convince myself) and called dispatch and tried to explain the situation.  I asked if they would please call the customer and specifically ask them if they were closest to Montreal or Quebec City.  Dispatch was happy to do so and found out they were in fact closest to Montreal.   So…………we turned around and headed back.  It turns out the pickup location was 17 miles from the place we had just delivered.  All total we had gone 219 miles out of the way. 

The reason I’m writing this down is because I thought about us going the wrong way and if we hadn’t questioned it we would have ended up at the wrong location.  I thought about us as Christians and how awful it would be to find out we had followed the wrong directions and ended up in the wrong location.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:13 – “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it.  For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”  Also in Matthew 7:21-23 – “Not everyone who says to me Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.  On that day many will say to me “Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?  Then I will declare to them, I never knew you; go away from me, you evildoers.”  These people would have thought they were on the right path only to find out they weren’t.  This example tells us it is possible for us to take the wrong path while thinking, believing or being told we’re on the right one.  How do we know for sure we are entering through the narrow gate and not the wide one?  How do we know we are one of the few who found the narrow gate?  Is our road easy or is it hard?

Based on God’s truth, what are the signs to look for along the path that say “this is the way; walk in it.”?  OR, sometimes is it necessary to look for the signs along the path that tell us we’re going the wrong way?

 
Isaiah chapter one comes to my mind.  God told Isaiah “…I have reared children and brought them up, but they have…”

·         “…rebelled against me…”

       Am I rebelling against God just like many Jews did?  Have I refused to obey Him, refused to follow Him or refused to recognize Him?

·         “…forsaken the LORD…”

       Have I forsaken our LORD?  Have I quit or left Him entirely, withdrawn from Him without the intent to come back?

·         “…despised the Holy One of Israel…”

       Have I despised the Holy One of Israel?  Has He become unworthy of my notice or consideration?

·         “…who are utterly estranged…”

       Am I utterly estranged from GOD?  Have I lost my affection or interest in God where there was once love, affection and friendliness?

·         “…no soundness in it…”

       Is there any soundness in me?   Am I showing good judgment or sense in my life, in my decision making?

·         “…your country lies desolate…”

       Have I become desolate?  Am I joyless, sorrowful as if separated from a loved one?  Am I showing the effects of abandonment and neglect?  Am I lifeless?  Am I devoid of warmth, comfort and hope?  Am I alone?

Jesus tells the church in Ephesus “…you have abandoned the love you had at first…”  He then goes on to say “…let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying…”  Revelation 2:4-7

Earlier I had written we had directions to get to the city but needed local directions to get to the company itself.  The local directions are what let us know we were heading in the wrong direction.  As Christians we have received the directions to heaven but have we paid attention to the local directions that lead us to Jesus?  Jesus tells us in John 14:6 “He is the way…”  Have we made it to “His way” or are we heading in the wrong direction?  I don’t know about you but I don’t want to hear “…I never knew you…”

I pray none of us spends too much time, if any, trying to convince ourselves we’re on the right path if we sense deep down we may not be.

Travelin' by Faith - It IS All About Forgiveness

Think about it.  How many walls are put up between us and friends, between us and family members, between us and co-workers or WORSE between us and God because WE can’t or just plain won’t forgive?  Someone has hurt us in some way, little or big and our hearts cry out for justice.  There are man’s laws which deal with injustice in the world but what about the injustice we have to deal with on our own for which there is no law?   Is it possible we have decided un-forgiveness is that law?

 Does the fact that someone paying for an injustice, whether it is from man’s law or our own law of un-forgiveness, really put our hearts at rest or does it simply satisfy our need for revenge?  Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.  Our hearts are still left with the pain, the hurt, the emptiness that comes from wrongs against us or wrongs we’ve done to others.  The story that prompted this blog was the execution of Troy Davis for the murder of Mark MacPhail.  On one side you have people who support the death penalty and on the other side you have those who are opposed.  I see both sides and understand where they are coming from.  What I wonder though is what is in the heart of someone crying out, for lack of a better word and at the risk of sounding melodramatic, “crucify him!”  Is that a cry for justice or a cry for revenge?  Or is it really a cry for someone to heal their pain and fill the hole in their hearts from a terrible loss?  And is someone else being killed going to heal their pain?  If it does, what does that say about the condition of their heart?  This blog isn’t about whether the death penalty is just or not.  This blog is about the power of forgiveness in everyday life.  Does justice really satisfy by itself or is there something else that must come along?  Sometimes justice alone can’t satisfy the deeper need.  And, just what is the deeper need?

When Jesus denied Himself and gave up His life for God’s cause, it wasn’t only for justice to be satisfied in God’s “court of law.”  Jesus provided a way for God to forgive us.  Justice came not by itself but with forgiveness.  In Micah 6:8 God tells us what is good.  He tells US to act justly and love mercy which is exactly what He did for us through Jesus Christ.  Forgiveness is what we needed the most.  Forgiveness is the deeper need. 

Think about if from a personal perspective.  Is there a wall between us and a friend, family member, co-worker or worse, God?  Is the wall still there because of the act of injustice OR because we haven’t forgiven?  This question can be quite offensive.  It means we have to look at our own individual circumstances as well as our own hearts and ask ourselves this question.  There’s a lot of “yeah, but…” and finger pointing that will come from a question like this.  I believe what is most important about facing this question in our lives is discovering the condition of our own hearts AND realizing the magnitude of what Jesus did for us on the cross.  The first battle comes with facing the question.

I’m not sure there is any greater burden we can carry than the burden of un-forgiveness.  If you have ever carried the burden of not forgiving someone, not being forgiven or not forgiving yourself you know what I mean.  The tragedy is we can carry these burdens without realizing it and if we’re not careful we end up carrying them for a lifetime.  If we’re not careful they can kill us and not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. 

Like the song says, there is power in the blood and I believe its greatest power is that of forgiveness.  If it weren’t for God’s forgiveness, there would still be a wall up between us and Him.

Travelin' By Faith - Whose GOD is the LORD?

August 2011

I began this month re-reading the chronological bible. I am in Exodus right now and was reading in chapter 6 when God spoke to Moses and told him “I am the LORD. I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob as God Almighty but by my name the LORD I did not make myself known to them.” This is just before God begins showing His power to Pharaoh before he sets the Israelites free. As I continued reading I realized there was a transition from “the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob” to “I am the LORD your God.” I wondered about this and asked God “why the distinction?” Why is it important for them to know you as LORD? I sat and pondered this for a minute and then looked up the word lord in the dictionary. I find it very helpful to look up words even though I know the basic meaning because sometimes I find a little something extra that helps me understand what God is trying to teach me. It means many different things but the one that jumped out at me was “one having power and authority over others, a ruler by hereditary right or preeminence to whom service and obedience are due.”

You see, the Israelites in bondage grew up in the Egyptian culture where many gods were worshipped. When God made the distinction between “God Almighty” and “I am the LORD,” He was setting up His sovereignty, His supreme power over not only them but all people and all gods. He wanted to make sure everyone understood then and now, HE alone is the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. This helped me to understand the transition God was making with Moses at this time. It was very necessary. The LORD God told Moses He had raised the Egyptians up for just this very purpose, to show His power and, that His name might be proclaimed throughout all the earth.

Calvin and I had a job picking up in St. Charles, MO. One of the roads we were on to get to the interstate was “Kings Highway.” I thought “Oh wow! Kings Highway!” It brought to mind an old childhood song “Highway to Heaven” which of course I began singing to myself. The words of the song that struck me were “happy are the people whose God is the LORD…” I stopped singing all of a sudden and thought deeply about those words “whose God is the LORD.” Think about that for a minute. “whose God, is the LORD.” What other god is there? Many! Even in that little childhood song there was a distinction. The psalmist sings these exact words in Psalms 144:15.

As I continued reflecting, God brought to my mind a little more of what I had been reading. At one point, Pharaoh had told Moses that he did not know the LORD and he was not going to let the Israelites leave Egypt. I thought this was interesting that he did not know the LORD. The Egyptians are descendants of Ham (Noah’s youngest son - GEN 9:18, GEN 10:6) who should have known God because He saved their ancestors from the flood waters. For some reason the Egyptians moved on with their lives leaving God behind. Unfortunately, I can relate to this. Interesting though how they desired something or someone to worship because they made for themselves so many other gods. Maybe up to this point they did not know God was real. When the Israelites packed up and left Egypt there’s one verse that tells us “many other people went up with them.” (EXO 12:38) I find that so interesting. I can’t help but think those were the Egyptians who saw the power of the LORD God and realized He is real, unlike the gods they had made up, and wanted Him to be their God too. How many of us at some point in our lives thought we knew God only to find out later we didn’t really know Him at all, but only knew of Him? Now I understand why the distinction. I thank God for sharing His wisdom.

The psalmists says it so beautifully in Psalms 119:130

“The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple.”

And to this I say “AMEN!”

And yes, I am keeping this simple. As Calvin pointed out after reading this for the first time, there is more to “LORD” in all caps in the bible which I’m sure one day will bring me to an even deeper meaning. But for now, I am satisfied with the way God unfolded His message to me in the simplest way so I could understand.

Just like with the Egyptians and the Israelites, God will find a way to let us know He is real and not some abstract thought.

Travelin' By Faith - Denying the cross, all those years...

Travelin’ by Faith – 2011

As I am driving through Canada one early March morning in the province of Alberta, reflecting on all that I have experienced with God while out here on the road, He reminds me of something.

I remembered a story from several years ago when I was sad and depressed about my past life, my present life and where I was going in the future. I had not been walking with God for very long but He had sure been walking with me. I told Calvin I had so much going on in my head that I just had to find a way to deal with it, to be free from it so I could get on with my life. I went for a drive. This was before we started driving for FedEx. I took off on I-20 heading west and said to myself “I’m just going to drive until I am free from all of this “stuff” that burdens me so.” By the time I got to Birmingham I realized I could drive all the way to California and back and still not get rid of it all, and besides, where was I going to dump it? I laughed at how funny this was. I turned around and went back home. Little did I know, God had a plan for helping me find my way to a place where I could get rid of it all, a place where I could “dump it.” How prophetic this scene becomes! Maybe not one trip to California and back would do it, but perhaps many trips would do it. God knows FedEx is in my future.

Back to driving in Canada…As I am driving and having a conversation with God I look down at the GPS map to see where we are and for my next move. At this point we are heading north but we are about to exit onto another highway and head west to our delivery. I see that on our current course we are heading to Calgary, except in my mind’s eye I see it reads Calvary. This sure gets my attention. I start to wonder and God starts to speak.

I learned that when I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life and was baptized, I had not yet made my personal journey to Calvary. I was only twelve for goodness sakes. At the point of baptism, I had let God know I believed Jesus was His Son and I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life but I didn’t allow Him to BE Lord of my life. I was. God revealed to me that I may have believed that Jesus is His Son and that He died for my sins but I wasn’t following Him. Accepting Jesus as my Savior and being baptized was the beginning of my journey. Unfortunately, I took a detour. From the time I was baptized until I began seeking Him eleven years ago I had been denying the cross. I hadn’t followed Jesus at all. All along He wanted to be Lord of my life so He could show me the way to calvary. He wanted me to follow Him to the cross, my cross. He had a personal message to give me.

Still driving in Canada I veer off to head west away from Calgary, but I’m still thinking Calvary. I wonder to God, “WOW, how many of us veer off and never make it to Calvary.” I keep driving and see two billboards within minutes of each other advertising “visitcalgary.com.” Again in my mind’s eye I see “visitcalvary.com.” Well, then I begin to wonder again to God “how many people only visit Calvary, you know – drive by for a quick look, grab a brochure or in my case walk up to the altar acknowledge what Jesus did, say I believe, say thanks and then keep on going their own way? What does it mean to come to Calvary? AND stay? What is Calvary suppose to look like to me?

After we make our delivery and we are heading to Spokane, WA, Calvin and I both see a sign on the side of the road that reads “Disciples Way.” We both look at each other but don’t say a word. I think the look in our eyes said it all. I begin to think to myself and ask God “what is the disciple’s way?” God reminds me of His scripture in Luke 9:23. “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. “ Deny self, hum…what exactly does it mean to deny ourselves? We certainly have Jesus’ life as the perfect example of what it means to deny self. But how many of us really do this? I knew I hadn't. How many of us are inadvertently denying the cross instead of denying ourselves? How can we pick up our cross if we haven’t made it to where our cross is - Calvary? Luke 9:24 tell us “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.” How many of us can say we have lost our lives to follow Jesus? I think it’s a serious question to ask.

By God’s amazing grace through His Son Jesus Christ I have made it to Calvary, to the cross, my own personal journey. It was a painful journey. It has taken me eleven years to get here. Truth be told I guess I’ve been on the journey all my life. I had to come to the end of myself (deny myself) before I could finally see the signs showing me the way to Calvary, or more accurately before I even wanted to see the signs showing me the way to Calvary. I mean who wants to face themselves let alone face Jesus?

I always knew God had forgiven me for my sins yet my heart was still in prison because I held onto the guilt of my sins. I thought hanging onto the guilt was my due punishment. God gently reminded me Jesus took the punishment not only for my sins but also for the guilt of my sins. He let me know hanging onto the guilt meant denying the cross/denying all that Jesus did for me. It meant I had not yet made it all the way to Calvary or that I came for a visit but didn’t stay. (didn’t stay long enough to pick up my cross) I had not yet found complete freedom in Jesus Christ.

We all hear throughout our lives that Jesus died for our sins and to me it always seemed such a generalized, corporate statement – “we’re all sinners in need of a Savior.” It was as if we were all one big group of sinners with no individual accountability. By being part of a group “we’re all sinners” I had, even though inadvertently, avoided facing Jesus as an individual. It was in my personal journey in seeking to know Jesus that I came to the end of myself (denying myself) and found Jesus hanging on the cross, my cross. His arms were spread wide to show me “THIS” is how much God loves me! The message He had for me was “Donna, I forgive you.”

Earlier I had written some questions I had asked God about Calvary. What does it mean to come to Calvary? For me, it meant I finally found my way to Jesus. It meant I came face to face with Him all alone just me and Him. Coming face to face with Him as an individual and not part of a group was the only way He could show me MY sins. It was the only way He could show me what He had done for me. It was the only way I could fully grasp what happened the day Jesus died on the cross. It was the only way I could make my relationship with Him personal. It was the only way He could express to me how much God loves me. It was the only way I could be free. It was a long, painful journey. At times it was very humbling, humiliating, embarrassing and shameful. It was hard work but oh so worth it. It was the only way.

I haven’t been here at Calvary long enough to answer what it will mean to stay. Jesus tells me it will mean denying self and picking up my cross daily and abiding in Him but what that will look like in my life is yet to be told. The full meaning of abide is to wait for, to endure without yielding, to bear patiently, to accept without objection and remain stable. This is exactly what I will do – abide. What does Calvary look like? Not sure I can answer that in detail that would do it justice just yet, but I can tell you from where I’m standing right now, looking back is no longer an option. I’m here to stay until He moves me.

Deuteronomy 4:29 tells us we will find God if we search for Him with all our heart and soul. I read the bible, God’s written word, for the sole purpose of getting to know this person that everyone kept telling me had died for me. I wanted to know Him for myself. I didn’t want to know the Jesus anyone else knew. I wanted to know Him personally. I met Him face to face on the cross at Calvary, my cross. How could I not love Him and not give my life to Him?

As I finish typing the first draft of this blog, Japan has been hit with an 8.9 earthquake which spawned a deadly tsunami. All I can think about is how many people never made it to Calvary or just dropped by for a visit and didn’t stay? How many thought they made it to Calvary but never did?

I believe it is important for us all to ask ourselves or better yet ask God, have I really made it all the way to Calvary or did I veer off to soon? Or ask God, did I just go for a visit? Did I walk up to the altar, “grab a brochure” and say thanks and keep heading my own way, down my own path? Am I carrying my cross? These are questions worth exploring. It is time well spent. It’s our own personal journey. A journey to freedom.

“I serve a risen Savior, He’s in the world today. I know that He is living whatever men may say. I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer, and just the time I need Him, He’s always near.
He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today! He walks with me and talks with me along life’s narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart. You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart!”

Travelin' By Faith by Donna Quinn

I think it's probably dangerous to think out loud but I just couldn't help myself.

I had a conversation awhile back that I can’t get off my mind. Someone shared with me that a friend of hers told her she was gay. Actually she said she wasn’t gay she liked both men and women but right now her “partner” is a woman. She mentioned how hard it was to talk to her/listen to her and not tell her that her lifestyle isn’t right in the eyes of God. I wonder if she struggles with the same thing many people struggle with, how to love and befriend a gay person without judging, condemning and ultimately rejecting them. It looks to me like the “majority” of Christians have taken a stand to reject them. As Christians we claim it is the sin we hate not the sinner. Is it really? I saw a book entitled “I’m Fine with God…It’s Christians I Can’t Stand.” Are we doing something wrong?

I was reading a book the other day that told how the Jews didn’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah. They had expected Him to come as royalty and be king over Israel in their day and time. The author of the book had mentioned that their prejudices had blocked their perception. Did they have the things of men in mind rather than the things of God? I wonder if that happens to us as God’s children. Are our own prejudices blocking our ability to be Christ-like? Are our own prejudices causing us to be bitter, to hate, to be angry towards others, to judge, condemn and reject them? Have you ever noticed how easy it is to condemn others for sins you haven’t committed and how hard it is to condemn them for sins you have committed? (at least those we willingly admit or are even aware of) What will happen to the person if we can’t condemn the sin in them that we don’t see? If we are truly doing this for salvation sake then shouldn’t we be more concerned about the sins we can’t see? Are we standing up for God’s righteousness or are we standing up for our prejudices? Is it our own prejudices that are giving us permission to judge, condemn and reject or do we really believe we are speaking on God’s behalf?

I had a friend a while back who said the reason being gay was worse than other sins is because it is a choice. Is it? IF it is a choice, does that mean that those of us who are with the opposite sex are with them because we have made a conscience decision to choose the opposite sex? In other words, do all women have a desire to be with another woman but they decide to be with a man for righteousness sake? Do all men have a desire to be with another man but decide not to for righteousness sake? I’m guessing the answer is NO. I’m guessing for some people the answer is OH HECK NO! What if it is a genetic disposition? Isn’t sin itself a genetic disposition according to God’s written word? Why would we think the sin of homosexuality is any different? And who are we to decide which sins are more acceptable than others? Didn’t Jesus die for ALL sins?

The group “Casting Crowns” has a song titled “What This World Needs” and there is a speaking part by a few young adults that states “…people aren’t confused by the gospel, they’re confused by us. Jesus is the only way to God but we are not the only way to Jesus. This world doesn’t need my tie, my hoodie, my denomination or my translation of the bible, they just need Jesus. We can be passionate about what we believe but we can’t strap ourselves to the gospel, we’re slowing it down. Jesus is going to save the world but maybe the best thing we can do is just get out of the way.” I like this!

Mercy: implies compassion that holds back from punishing even when justice demands it. Jesus is God’s compassion to the world.

God has asked us to love others as He has loved us. “As” in the dictionary means: to the same extent or degree; equally. Do we?

I’m just wondering…

"Done Too Soon"

We had gotten back out on the road again having cared for mom after her stroke for four months. Life was returning to its usual road routine, and the world was spinning in greased grooves once more. Then we were in Johnstown, Ohio one monday morning and the cell phone rang. I could see from the caller ID it was an old high school buddy of mine, Tom Furr, and I knew it was unusual for him to be calling and, thus, I knew something was up. But I wasn't even remotely prepared for what. Donny Lindsey was dead. He was 51 years old.

Donny Lindsey was my best friend in high school. We met through school and church, and he and I and Larry Gore became known around our church as the Three Musketeers, because if one of us was there, the other two were not far away. Tom Furr would become the fourth musketeer later in high school. We all played softball together, chased girls together, did all the things that teenaged boys do. Donny and I spent an entire summer together both bemoaning the losses of girlfriends, and we wore out a copy of Elton John's "Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy." (See: We All Fall in Love Sometimes/Curtains) We were a pretty pathetic pair of musketeers! Donny and I were the male leads of our high school musical, Bye Bye Birdie, him playing the rock star and me playing his manager. It was perfect casting. Neither of us had to act, we just had to memorize our lines and cues. Donny was the one of us that the girls fought over to get. Me, Larry and Tom just hung around and waited for the fallout. And he had a quick wit about him too. He had the personality that caused people to naturally gravitate to him. After high school, I stayed at home and commuted to Georgia State University, as did Larry. Donny and Tom went to work. But we still hung out together and played ball for another couple of years. Then Larry left to follow a dream of becoming a pilot. Donny and I began to drift apart as we went in different directions in life. I went years without seeing or hearing from him, but every now and then our paths would cross. Donny had never attended one of our high school reunions until our thirtieth, in 2006. Donna had met Donny just twice, when his mother passed away and when my father died, and thus had not seen the funny side of Donny. We laughed all night long, mainly because of Donny. When we were leaving, she complained of her face hurting from laughing so much. That was Donny. It wasn't the last time I would talk to him, but it was the last time I saw him alive.

I have been reflecting on the past. I remembered my cousin Ralph. Ralph (along with practically all my relatives)lived in south Georgia and was three years older than me but he was the youngest of 5 brothers. I think he and I were close because with me he wasn't the youngest and he could be the big brother. Our birthday were both in July; his the sixth and mine the ninth. In fact, one year he was nine on the sixth and I was six on the ninth. When I was growing up, our house was a revolving door of cousins coming to the big city and living with us for a while. Ralph was no exception and he lived with us one summer after we had moved to Lithia Springs. But we too lost contact, the current of our lives moving us in different directions. About the time Donna and I got together word came that Ralph was having problems. Recurring headaches, balance and memory issues. He had had some skin cancers removed from his back about four years earlier and they had metastisized into brain cancer. He had surgery and it had left him with a left arm that was basically useless and weakness in his left leg. One of his brothers had hit it pretty big in Nashville and his daughter was getting married in the fall, shortly after the surgery. Ron made arrangements for everyone to come and stay in Nashville for the wedding and I kind of took care of Ralph (seeing how I had been a therapist), helping him get dressed and walking around. My best memory of this was once we were getting into the limo and he began getting into the car like anyone else would. I grabbed him and said, "Whoa, I know thats not how they taught you to do that in rehab!" He turned and grinned the Ralph grin. "Oh yeah!" he replied. I saw him again at his house in south Georgia a couple of weeks later. I had been down with family and was coming by to tell him bye. He was asleep in a recliner. I didn't want to wake him up so I left. It was the last time I saw him alive. He passed away a week or two later. He was 44 years old.

Ramona was my first serious girlfriend in high school; the one who, as the late great Lewis Grizzard would say, "tore my heart out and stomped that sucker flat", the one who I wore out "Captain Fantastic" over. She and I had a tumultuous, on again off again three years. The first breakup was the one that almost did me in. She broke up with me in the spring of my junior year. She was a senior (rare in high school for that to happen). I was devastated to the point of having what I guess was a minibreakdown, coming down with shingles and spending a couple of days in bed at one point. During this, I had won a couple of speaking tournaments through the Georgia Baptist Convention, and I had another competition shortly after the breakdown. My dad was an old school dad, not a lot of babying and most physical contact was discipline or horsing around. But this time, waiting my turn to speak, he was sitting beside me and he put his around me as we sat there. I was 15 or 16 years old. I never will forget it. Anyway, Mona and I finally broke up for good in the fall of my freshman year in college. I went many years without seeing her; I heard she got married and had a child. One day in church I was walking down a hall, someone passed me and I heard from behind me, "Calvin???" It took me a second or two. "Mona???" We spoke for just a moment or two and then went our separate ways. It was the last time I would see her. In the middle of dad's fight with Alzheimers I got word that she had cancer. I debated trying to go and see her but I didn't. Donna and I were on the road at this point but we happened to be home when the phone rang in the middle of the night. Mom called to say that dad had fallen out of bed and she couldn't get him back in. Now when I was a child I would sometimes fall out of bed onto the floor and not wake up. Dad would pick me up and put me back in bed. The circle had come around and now I was picking him up. Two days later a friend of mine calls me and lets me know Mona had passed away. I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral. Instead I sat in my recliner at home and stared at the fireplace. Between her death and what was going on with Dad I was feeling a furious whirlwind of emotions and memories and couldn't make much sense of them. Donna came in the room and asked if I wanted to talk. At first I said no, but when I started, I couldn't stop. I began bawling like I have never bawled in my adult life. But in talking it out I connected the event I wrote of earlier with the present and made some sense of it all. Mona's breakup with me caused me to have what was probably my most precious memory of my father when I was a teenager. And at the time of her death, I had my most sad and precious memory of him towards the end of his life. Mona was in her mid forties when she died.

There is a song on Neil Diamond's first greatest hits album; "Done Too Soon". Its starts with a peppy rock/pop sound and the verses are just names of famous people who are no longer with us strung together and rhymed("Jesus Christ, Fanny Brice. Wolfgang Mozart and Humphrey Bogart" etc.). But the chorus changes gears and goes quiet and solemn...

"Each one there,
has one thing to share;
They have sweated beneath the same sun,
looked up in wonder at the same moon.
And wept when it was all done.
For bein' done too soon.
For bein' done
too soon."

I have been thinking about this song since November. I haven't been able to bring myself to blog, but I wouldn't write about anything else until I got this down. In the last ten years I have lost the cousin I was closest to as a kid, my first love from high school, and my best friend from high school. All were "done too soon." Now my mother is facing a long downhill spiral following a stroke and is just a shell of her former self with no idea how much longer this is going to last. My father died three years ago after a horrific seven years of Alzhiemer's. And I'm left pondering an awful question:

Is is better to be "done too soon" than "done too LATE"?

Donny was creamated and at his funeral his daughters carried his ashes down the aisle to the front of the chapel. Because he wouldn't be there to walk them at their weddings. Ralph was just beginning to start a blueberry farming venture in Baxley. Mona won't be around to help her son grow into a man. And yet, they are spared from the inexorable ravages of time. So: would you trade ten GOOD years off your life if you knew it would save you from ten BAD years? I don't know. At this point, I believe I would.

But on a final, less grim note, one of my favorite memories with Donny: We saw the Eagles in concert for the Hotel California tour some thirty four years ago and their last encore in that concert was "James Dean". So its chorus is my final tribute to Donny Lindsey, the king of cool in high school;

"You were too fast to live,
too young to die,
bye-bye."

Travelin' By Faith

Calvin is usually the one posting but I had something I wanted to share.

I know from time to time God reveals Himself to us but this one was too powerful not to share. I first have to give you a little background so you’ll understand why this God moment was so powerful.

As most of you know, Calvin and I drive for FedEx Custom Critical and we drive all over the country. We have many opportunities for God moments and this is one of them. About a year ago I was reading in my bible in Luke, chapter 14. In verses 25 through 35 Jesus teaches about the cost of being a disciple and this is where God spoke to me. No, not audibly but just placed a question in my heart. He asked me, “Have you considered the cost of following me?” I remember looking up and thinking, “What does it matter, If we love you don’t we have to follow you no matter what?” I didn’t receive an answer. Later I would find out why. A few months after this I was driving my 11 hour shift. I have tons of time to talk to God and sometimes I even listen.  This particular time He placed a question in my heart, “Do you believe me?” “Of course I believe you.” I replied. He said, “I know you believe in me, but do you believe me?” Hmm, I didn’t really think there was, but I guess there is a difference. I didn’t answer Him right away because I felt like I had come to a crossroad moment in my faith and I had to think seriously about my answer. I thought for a few days and told Him, “Yes, I not only believe in you but I believe you.” I knew His words to be true.

Now, fast forward to March 2010, my birthday is coming up and my youngest daughter, Terri, flies home to celebrate with the rest of us. As Terri and I are driving around town, I share with her these things that God and I have been discussing. We stopped to shop in Lifeway bookstore. Terri came across a bible study by Beth Moore and brought it to me. She asked if I had done the study “Believing God.” At first I told her I was sure I had because I’ve done all of them except her new one about Esther. Terri asked, “Are you SURE you’ve done this one?” Beth Moore had had the same conversation I was having with God. I was stunned!

Then, on my birthday, Terri and I went to hear President Jimmy Carter teach Sunday school in his church in Plains. His lesson was from Luke 13 about Jesus healing the crippled woman on the Sabbath and how, as usual, the synagogue rulers were upset with the people for coming to be healed on the Sabbath. It amazes me how they weren’t blown away by the fact that there was someone present who could actually HEAL this woman, they were just concerned about their rules being broken. Jesus had already taught that it was lawful to do “good” on the Sabbath. The point, I think, President Carter was making is Jesus went ahead and did things that were good even if it went against the rules. Then the visiting pastor preached from Luke 14. YEP -verses 25 through 35, the cost!

Okay, so you’re probably asking yourselves, “Where is she going with this?” Glad you asked.

March 11th we got a job picking up in Bath, New York going to McAlester, Oklahoma. The next day, March 12th, we were 238 miles away from McAlester when I saw an elderly gentlemen on the side of the road hitchhiking. He was holding his little cardboard sign that read “Need ride to McAlester, OK” WHAT? NO WAY! God wants me to pick this man up and give him a ride? I can’t! It’s against the rules!
I began to pray, “Oh, God, PLEASE send someone to pick this poor old man up, he needs a ride.”

God said, “I sent you.”

“But God, we can’t pick him up. We’re not allowed to, it’s against FedEx rules. We could lose our jobs.”

God said, “Some people lose their lives doing my will.”

As I continue to drive down the road debating this with God I cross a bridge over a creek named “TURNBACK CREEK!” I KID YOU NOT!!! Another mile down the road (yes, I’m still driving) there is a billboard on the left hand side of the road that is old and partially torn. All that I could read was “…word of God… and death...” I’m still driving down the road and mile after mile, driving further and further away from this elderly gentleman when God’s words came back to me – THE COST! I guess I really didn’t understand the cost as it pertained to me. I was not willing to lose my job or explain what was going on to Calvin so I kept driving.
No, I never did turn around. At first I felt as though God was wagging His finger at me saying “I gave you a test and you failed, MISERABLY! I asked you for a cup of water; you didn’t give it to me. When I was hungry; you didn’t feed me. When I ‘NEEDED A RIDE’ you didn’t give me one.” But it was satan beating me up, not God. God gently told me I didn’t fail. It was a lesson to teach me His ways, to learn that sometimes I may have to go completely against what is right to me and do what is right to Him.

I learned that I was NOT prepared for the cost. I just wasn’t. The song “I Surrender All” came to my mind and I had to ask myself, do I? Have I? Will I? This time it was just a man needing a ride. One day it may be someone’s eternal life at stake.

By the way, the state we were in when we saw the elderly gentleman hitchhiking was Missouri – the “SHOW ME” state. Ironic, huh?

Thank you for the privilege of sharing the powerful message God shared with me.